


And You're The One I Need

by donniedont



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: First Time, Learning How to Have Good Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Post-Time Skip, Sex Talk, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 06:20:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21157016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donniedont/pseuds/donniedont
Summary: Dimitri realizes that he still has a lot to learn if he wants to be able to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with Dedue.  Features a trans man interpretation of Dimitri.





	And You're The One I Need

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so happy to finally unleash this fic. It took a long time to get done, but I hope it's enjoyable. This wouldn't have been possible without the careful editing of Eth/Twitter user sylvixgrid. Thank you so much for making me laugh while making this fic the best it could be. 
> 
> Also, full disclosure that I am a mentally ill transmasculine non-binary person. My experiences and writing choices are not a monolith. However, I hope you appreciate the headcanon and the topics I'm trying to address! 
> 
> **Content Warnings:** Brief discussion of teenage sexuality, mentions of disordered eating, mentions of gender dysphoria

Dimitri took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and tried to remind himself: there was nothing overly decadent about putting lavender oil in a bath.

It felt silly having to tell himself that. The war was over. The life he wanted had just began. But there were still moments when he was alone and he found his mind circling back to the feeling that he was selfish for wanting more than he had.It was the day after his coronation; even with most of his advisors hung over from the feast the night before, they were able to begin establishing what their group dynamic would look like during his reign. When Dimitri called for an early evening, everyone was relieved. Dedue made eyes at him, the faintest smile gracing his lips before he ducked away toward his own chambers to prepare for their evening together.

After years of physical and emotional forces keeping them apart, they were finally in a romantic relationship. It was the result of a conversation that had happened the night before, which was probably only made possible by Sylvain’s insistence of their cups never being empty during the coronation feast. They snuck off as soon as they could, laying in Dimitri’s bed as they observed the different angles of their hands slotted together in the moonlight. It was the first time they lay together in a way that wasn’t laced with the urgency of a war or the shame of how deep their feelings ran toward each other.

Their kisses started tentative, Dimitri leaving quick pecks all over Dedue’s face with his hands awkwardly curled up between them. Dedue placed a hand at the base of Dimitri’s neck and Dimitri flinched. Dedue lifted his hand off and Dimitri quickly brought his own hand up, pressing Dedue’s hand against his neck before he leaned in to kiss Dedue again. He opened his mouth experimentally, excited when Dedue mirrored him. It was enough for Dimitri to put more force behind his movement, eventually taking his mouth off of Dedue’s and moving onto kissing his neck. He was greeted to a deep moan from Dedue, who appeared absolutely enthralled until he ducked away from Dimitri. Dimitri tilted his head, bringing his face close to Dedue’s only to have Dedue put his hand on Dimitri’s chest and say, “Maybe we should discuss what we are comfortable with before we go any further.”

Dimitri squinted at him for a long moment. It sounded like a strange request. The only time prior to this moment that they were truly intimate was nearly a decade ago, after the Tragedy, but before Dedue was reprimanded for how casual his interactions were with Dimitri. One night they were in Dimitri’s room and after an exchange of hungry eyes, they experimented, Dimitri’s hands wandering farther than either of them expected. When they were done, the two of them quietly cleaned up and fell asleep against each other. It was a memory that still made Dimitri ache for a time that he was bolder and that Dedue called him by his name without stammering.

“I want to make sure that we only do what will make us feel good,” Dedue explained, grabbing Dimitri’s hands and pulling them close to his chest. The exchange was stilted at first, but they found a rhythm as they spoke of what they liked, disliked, and weren’t sure of just yet. It was hard for Dimitri to deny the heat growing between his legs, but by the time they were done, they could see the earliest rays of daybreak enter the room. They agreed to seeing how far they could go tomorrow. Now Dimitri stared at the bath in front of him, hoping it would calm him down and be remotely appealing to Dedue.

Dimitri awkwardly stumbled into the bath, lying back and watching the threads of oil spread throughout the water. He wished he had someone to speak to in order to prepare for such an occasion, but he couldn’t figure out who. Felix would physically be the obvious choice, but the last time he tried to talk to him about something like this, he refused to respond. He weighed the pros and cons of asking the women closest to him, but any time he tried, his voice died in his throat. He had no reason to assume that they would see him differently, but he kept quiet just in case. 

Dimitri idly trailed his fingers between his legs. He had attempted to explore himself a smattering of times before. He never could quite figure out how to pleasure himself, let alone be truly satisfied by the experience.

But he wanted desperately to try, not just for himself, but for Dedue. He knew that Dedue deserved to have a partner that knew what they were doing concerning this.

He groaned, removing his hand from between his legs and lifting it up, watching water drip from his fingertips. During the conversation last night, he lamented about Dedue having to be with a partner that had baggage like this, but Dedue simply brought his fingers to Dimitri’s lips and said, “Yes, but _ I _ want to be with you, Dimitri." The combination of no longer hiding his opinion behind Dimitri’s title, _ and _ using his first name without faltering was enough to break the thought pattern. 

He splashed water on his shoulders and neck, only able to stay in the bath for a few more minutes before he found himself too restless. He just hoped the scent lingered long enough for when Dedue was supposed to arrive. 

The nerves truly began to set in when he found himself trying to figure out what he was supposed to wear for something like this. It felt ridiculous trying to find clothes that would hopefully be removed shortly after, but the thought of being stark naked when Dedue arrived felt too risque to possibly feel comfortable pulling it off. He settled with a loose linen pants and a shirt, unbuttoning it lower than he typically would. To keep himself occupied, he walked around his room, trying to tell himself that he was moving furniture around to redecorate.

He eventually heard Dedue knock on his door, always giving a simple, but firm double tap. He stopped moving an end table and walked over toward the door, nearly freezing in place when he saw Dedue standing there.

Dimitri knew that he was one for dramatics, but he couldn’t help but find that Dedue appeared to him like a vision. He was wearing a white tunic that seemed to shimmer, the neckline dipping low and exposing his collarbones. 

“I didn’t know you owned something like that,” Dimitri murmured.

Dedue sighed. “Did you think that I spent the last five years wearing a suit of armor?” he asked.

“Well, no…” Dimitri started.

Dedue pressed his lips together, drumming his fingers against the doorframe. “That was a joke,” Dedue noted.

“That never was either of our strength, was it?” Dimitri asked.

Dedue shook his head, though he was smiling. “May I come in?” he asked.

“Ah, yes. Of course. Please,” Dimitri said. He opened the door wider, letting Dedue in. Dedue eyed the furniture, but didn’t say anything, choosing to study Dimitri for a long moment before he asked, “Were you not planning on putting on your binding?”

Dimitri glanced down at his chest and back up at Dedue. “Huh…” he said, “I figured it would get in the way…” His tongue felt thick in his mouth. He hated how much easier it was for him to speak about such things when he was drunk. “Is that a problem?”

“Not at all,” Dedue replied, “I should still avoid your chest, correct?”

“Yes?” Dimitri replied. He felt his cheeks warm up and he quickly looked down at their feet. The truth was that he didn’t really know. It was one thing to cover up his chest in public spaces, but it was entirely different in this context, especially with someone who had spent years bathing with him. 

Dimitri willed himself to look up at Dedue. Maybe it was the way his partner looked in the light or the way his shirt pulled across his chest, but Dimitri brought his hands to his face and pulled him in for a kiss. Dedue teetered for a brief moment before he regained his balance and began kissing back. 

“Oh, you smell different…” Dedue started.

Dimitri was curious what Dedue thought he typically smelled like, but it was a conversation for another time. “I used lavender oil with my bath,” he replied. 

“I like it,” Dedue said, leaning in to kiss him again.

Dimitri shut his eyes, trying to anticipate Dedue’s motions. He worried that he was forcing his tongue too much or biting too hard, until he took Dedue’s lip between his teeth and and heard Dedue make a content sigh. Dimitri let go of his lip to smile before he leaned in again and was able to focus. If Dedue leaned in with force, he would do the same. If Dedue chose to focus on ghosting his fingertips down Dimitri’s neck, he eased up on the force behind his own touches. They continued to maintain a precarious balance, the exchange reminding Dimitri of their sparring matches.

Dedue trailed kisses toward the space behind Dimitri’s ear and Dimitri let out a mewl he didn’t even know he was capable of. They both paused, looking at each other before Dedue continued, leaving open mouth kisses down Dimitri’s neck. Dimitri felt deeper moans start in the back of his throat and spill out of his mouth, causing him to flinch. His speaking voice was deep, the result of magic and vocal training. But these sounds were new, the pitch far higher than he was used to. 

“Is everything all right?” Dedue asked, pulling away far enough for the two of them to make eye contact.

Dimitri nodded, smiling weakly at him. “I wasn’t ready to hear myself like this, I guess,” he admitted, “I don’t sound ridiculous, do I?”

“I mean… uh,” Dedue stammered, “I… I like it.”

“Oh,” Dimitri said, “Can I ask why?”

“It helps me know you’re enjoying yourself,” Dedue replied. 

Dimitri couldn’t help but grin. He kissed Dedue chastely on the lips and led him to bed. He helped him onto the sheets, tentatively slotting his legs across Dedue’s torso. He adjusted his hips, grunting from the friction of Dedue’s half hard cock against himself. He felt something dig into his thigh and he scrunched his nose as he lifted his leg. “Did you forget to empty your pockets?” Dimitri asked.

“Oh! My mistake,” Dedue replied. He gently guided Dimitri off and grabbed the contents out of his pocket. He presented the glass vial and said, “Oil for ease.” He then showed a strange packet. “And contraceptive. For, ah…" Dimitri ducked away, knowing he was probably blushing bright red. Dedue cleared his throat. “I know you still bleed, so I figured we should be safe.”

Dimitri nodded, and Dedue slipped away to put the items on the nearby nightstand. “This is also if you even want that. I just…”

Dimitri finally looked into Dedue’s eyes. “Why are you apologizing for being prepared?” he asked. He could feel an explanation on Dedue’s tongue and Dimitri quickly added, “I greatly appreciate the effort and in all seriousness, I should be putting in that effort, as well.”

They were quiet for a long moment, the silence allowing a memory to fill Dimitri’s thoughts. It was from the conversation after he had told his father of his identity. 

“You better steel yourself,” his father said, “The world is cruel to women and I can only assume it is even crueler to people like you.”

He was lucky that while he was unfortunately familiar with the many cruelties of the world, he was never victimized through intimacy. Even then, he couldn’t help but feel upset that he had to be fearful of people in such a way.

“Dimitri,” Dedue said.

Dimitri blinked, trying to refocus on where he was. He was in his father’s bedroom. At least, what used to be his bedroom. It was now his, complete with furniture that he had shifted earlier that evening. His partner was watching him with concern, bringing his hand onto his shoulder and affectionately working his fingers into his shoulder.

“Please don’t tell me I blanked out for too long,” Dimitri begged.

“Not at all,” Dedue replied, “I just know what to look out for.”

Dimitri smiled. He leaned in to kiss Dedue and he happily reciprocated. Dimitri asked, “How would you like to continue?” his lips still close to Dedue’s.

“Oh. I assumed I would follow your lead,” Dedue said.

Dimitri shook his head. “Absolutely not. I will not continue without your input.”

Dedue appeared suddenly bashful. He brought his hand to his face and rubbed at the shaved part of his hair nervously.

“Tell me, Councillor Molinaro,” Dimitri ordered, his voice light.

Dedue glared at him, one eye obscured by his fingers. “You can’t use my title when I’m not allowed to use yours,” he grumbled. He sighed. “I suppose I just wish to please you like you pleased me all those years ago.”

“That is incredibly kind,” Dimitri replied. It was tempting to put himself and his clumsy fourteen year old self down in the process, but he knew Dedue would not let him get away with such a statement.

“Is that a yes?” Dedue asked. He brought his hand down and craned his neck.

Dimitri nodded, leaning in to kiss Dedue again. They were relatively brief in their exchange of kisses as Dedue moved away from his mouth and proceeded down his neck, ending at his collarbone. He continued leaving kisses as he helped Dimitri onto his back.

They'd spoken briefly about their sexual experiences the night before. Both had kissed other people, but outside of the moment from long ago, there wasn’t much to report. Dimitri had no idea what he was supposed to expect, but at least Dedue seemed genuinely interested in trying. He began running his hands down Dimitri’s legs and Dimitri twitched, Dedue pressing harder with his fingertips. Dimitri swallowed hard. He was going to have bruises dot his knees tomorrow morning and he couldn’t deny that he was curious to see them later.

Dedue lowered his head, pressing a light kiss to Dimitri’s thigh. Dimitri impulsively tried to snap his legs closed, Dedue catching him and firmly holding him in place. He kissed his thigh again, putting more force against his motion. Dimitri still twitched, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was before. Dedue moved up his thigh, grazing his teeth against his skin and making Dimitri gasp.

Dedue trailed his kisses to the base of Dimitri’s leg, locking eyes with Dimitri for a break moment before he repositioned himself for better access. Dedue gently pushed the folds between Dimitri's legs open and experimentally ran his tongue along him.

Dimitri held his breath. The image was exhilarating, but the contact felt so much duller than when Dedue was touching him elsewhere. Dedue continued to lap at him, his tongue occasionally darting through new areas. Dedue tilted his head to press his face better against him and Dimitri’s mind began to wander-- from how much he wanted Dedue to how he was getting too distracted by pulling his shirt up and then quickly pulling it partially down, to how this was _ just not feeling how he wanted to. _Dimitri shifted uncomfortably, unsure how to reach-- he wasn't sure if he could change anything about it.

Dedue brought his face away from Dimitri, making eye contact with him again. His nose and mouth had a light sheen across them and Dimitri felt strangely guilty. “Is everything all right?” Dedue asked.

Dimitri shrugged. “I mean, I… I’m not feeling much,” he admitted, “Let’s… let’s try fingers. That might work.”

Dedue nodded, slowly sitting up again. Dimitri leaned in to kiss him, trying to subtly break the kiss when he tasted himself. Dedue didn’t say anything, wiping his face with his hands before he awkwardly smudged it against his pants.

“Could you take off your shirt, maybe?” Dimitri asked.

“Why don’t you help me?” Dedue asked. Dimitri felt his cheeks burn; maybe it was the momentum he needed to get back into this. He carefully placed his hands on the collar of Dedue’s shirt, pulling him close and kissing him again. He still could taste himself, but he pushed through as he tried to unbutton his shirt without popping any of them off accidentally. He could sew a button at this point in his life, but he didn’t exactly have enough time for that. He ran his hands along Dedue’s broad chest, sliding onto Dedue’s lap to stay better secure. He got to the last button and helped Dedue out of the shirt, placing it on the floor. Dedue put his hand on Dimitri’s back as he took his other hand and slid it between Dimitri’s legs and began to hastily rub against him. Dimitri took a sharp breath of air. It felt more like he was being scratched, but it wasn’t giving him any payoff. Dedue pressed harder and Dimitri felt his body involuntarily shift away from him. 

Dedue let go of him, maintaining distance between the two of them, rubbing the hand he was using against his pant leg as he reached out with his other one. “Is everything all right?” Dedue asked.

Dimitri took a deep breath. He shifted around, trying to find a comfortable position for himself. “Uh,” he started. He nervously looked away from Dedue and said, “I think…” He winced, knowing that if he scratched at himself he would only make it worse, “I think I need to stop.”

“That is fine,” Dedue confirmed. Dimitri searched his face for any trace of disappointment but there didn’t seem to be anything that suggested he was. He calmly reached over the bed, grabbing Dimitri’s and his clothing. “Is there anything you need me to do in this moment?” Dedue asked.

Dimitri brought his hands to his own head, trying to card through his hair several times. His mind began to race, nearly every single one of them crashing to the same conclusion of how he had no idea what was wrong with him and he wished there was some way he could redeem this evening. 

“Would you like me to give you options?” Dedue asked.

Dimitri opened up his mouth, but nothing came out. Frustrated, he nodded his head. 

Dedue took a deep breath. “Would you like me to leave or to stay?”

Dimitri stared at him for a long moment. He wanted to be outraged that Dedue would even ask that, until he remembered that this was still uncharted territory for the two of them. They still had years of their strained relationship they had to unlearn before Dedue realized that leaving was rarely, if ever, the answer. “Stay,” he grunted.

Dedue nodded. “Are you in pain?”

Dimitri shook his head. He was uncomfortable, but he wasn’t entirely sure what he could do about it. He couldn’t bandage himself and the thought of icing it seemed miserable.

“Can you show me where you want me to be?” Dedue asked, “I can take a chair or stay here or…”

Dimitri took a deep breath, uncurling himself and crawling forward. He untangled the bedding in his wake, bringing them over each other. Dedue seemed to follow well enough, allowing himself to be swaddled with Dimitri as he wrapped the blankets around them. Dedue gingerly laid down, Dimitri pressing himself close against him. Dedue brought his arm out, giving Dimitri enough space to slot himself against him and rest his head on his chest. Dimitri brought his hand to the back of Dedue’s head, pulling out his hair tie and running his fingers through his hair. 

“I’m sorry,” Dimitri said. At least he was getting a few words out and he wasn’t entirely silent.

“Don’t be. I have much to learn,” Dedue replied.

If Dimitri had the capacity to, he would have told him that he could do much better than someone as broken as him, but it was far too many words for him to get out.

*

When Dimitri woke up the next morning, he found himself relieved to see that Dedue did not leave in the middle of the night, though they appeared to have repositioned themselves in their sleep complete with Dimitri’s arms wrapped around Dedue’s waist. Unfortunately, the disaster that was the evening before crashed on him like a weight on his chest. He clung to Dedue’s back helplessly, pressing his face against it. He curled up tightly, feeling his exposed skin against Dedue’s and finding comfort in the warmth. He pulled his shirt higher up, trying to connect as much as he could without entirely exposing his chest. It still didn’t feel like enough and he rolled away from him briefly to unbutton his shirt. He left it on the farther side of the bed, reconnecting with Dedue and finding himself calmed by the consuming feeling of skin against skin. 

Dedue shifted in front of him, turning his body slightly. “Are you awake?” Dedue asked.

Dimitri nodded. “Yes,” he replied. He was relieved to hear his voice come out with ease.

“I’m going to have to walk back to my chambers,” Dedue noted.

“Can we stay like this a little longer?” Dimitri begged. He didn’t care how pathetic he sounded. He wondered if he even had anything to lose at this point.

“Of course,” Dedue said. They stayed like that for several minutes, before Dedue started to get up. When Dedue turned to face him, he raised his eyebrows. “Oh,” he said, “You took off your shirt…”

Dimitri looked down. He contemplated covering himself with a blanket, but it felt disingenuous. He didn’t resent his chest at the moment. Dedue shouldn’t feel like he should, either. “Yes. I wanted to feel you against me.”

Dedue looked away, a small smile on his lips. At least Dimitri knew how to use his words to make Dedue feel cared for. He grabbed his shirt from the floor and began buttoning it. “I’m glad to hear it,” Dedue said. “I will see you soon.”

Dimitri nodded his head. “Yes… goodbye, my love,” he said. He began to get ready, trying to make sure that he had a pair of pants that were loose enough that they didn’t irritate him while still being able to be read as formal. He thought about how he could possibly try to get better at this. He could do research, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out if his family had anything like this in the library. He thought about his friends again, cycling through the people closest to him. He couldn’t talk to Felix. He would probably never reply. Speaking to Ingrid about this seemed especially mortifying, as they bathed together back when they were young. Sylvain had experience, but it made the topic strangely daunting to bring up with him. Annette would be earnest, but potentially too much so. He took a deep breath and realized that the best possible person would be Mercedes.

In truth, Mercedes was always the best option. As a healer, she had professional understanding of anatomy. As a friend, she had seen him during some pretty embarrassing moments. It wasn’t enough to push himself to speak to her before, but he knew that he had to figure out how to make this work for himself and for Dedue.

He got out his binding, slipping the vest on and carefully adjusting his chest before he hooked the fabric in place. He couldn’t have something like last night happen again. He didn’t want to give Dedue a reason to leave, but he also worried that this could lead to another spiral that would get him caught in the ghosts that pulled him into a dark place for five years without reprieve. He _ had _ to make time to speak with Mercedes in private sometime today.

Thankfully, she was still staying at the castle. He tried to be clear to everyone, regardless of whether they were working directly with him, they were welcome to stay in the castle for as long as possible. The place was built back when kings weren’t murdered in complex conspiracy plots and when queens that didn’t die by disease had broods of children. There were more than enough living areas for everyone, even the allies that Byleth recruited back when they were all students at the academy. Mercedes had accepted the invitation to stay, on the condition that it would only be until she figured out her next steps. 

Dimitri quickly finished up getting dressed, trying to rush his way toward Mercedes’s quarters. He walked up to her door, placing his ear against it. He heard Mercedes’s voice, as if she was humming to herself. He took a deep breath and knocked. 

He heard her shuffle around as she opened the door a crack, her eyes lighting up in recognition before she opened the door wider. “Oh! Good morning, Dimitri,” she said, smiling gently at him. 

Dimitri stared at her for a long moment. He always appreciated that she never got hung up on his royal titles. It was a fearlessness that he always loved. 

Mercedes watched him expectantly.

Dimitri cleared his throat. “Uh, good morning, Mercedes,” he replied. He tried to push a piece of his hair behind his ear, even though he had most of it pulled back in a half ponytail. He rested his hand on the back of his neck to cover up the gesture. “Did you sleep well?”

Mercedes pressed her lips for a brief moment. “Do you want to come inside?” she asked.

Dimitri slowly nodded, making his way into her room. The furniture and bedding was relatively impersonal, but her crafts and trinkets livened up the room. He tried to study the project she was currently working on near her bed.

“I’m trying to embroider some flowers from Duscur for Dedue,” she said.

“Oh, he will love that,” Dimitri murmured. He could already picture the look of joy on Dedue’s face upon receiving it. He would probably give one of the bigger smiles he had been experimenting with, where his mouth was still closed, but the corner of his eyes would crinkle up.

“Would you like to take a seat?” she asked. She took one of the chairs set along the wall and brought it close to the bed. Dimitri took it and sat down as Mercedes sat down on the edge of her bed. 

Dimitri looked down at his hands, twisting his fingers together. He took a deep breath and said, “Uh, I require your expertise relating to the topic of… anatomy.”

Mercedes covered her mouth. “You aren’t injured, are you?” Mercedes asked, “I don’t mind helping you, just tell me what you need…” 

Dimitri stopped moving his hands, staring down at his feet. He adjusted his seat and said, “Uh. I don’t know if it’s an injury necessarily, but I would appreciate your assistance.” It was bad enough that he had to ask her such a ridiculous question. The idea of taking off his pants for her to investigate the potential abrasion sounded absolutely mortifying. “I, uh… you know Dedue and I are together now, yes?”

Mercedes slumped forward, imitating his horrendous posture. “Yes!” she exclaimed, smiling at him. “Dedue told me yesterday. I put him on the spot about it. My apologies. But congratulations! I’m happy to hear it.”

“Oh,” Dimitri said. He hadn’t even thought about formal conversations about his and Dedue’s relationship yet. “Thank you. Have you told anyone else?”

“No, I promised Dedue I would not tell anyone.”

Dimitri nodded. “I appreciate that.” 

They were quiet for a long moment. Mercedes cleared her throat and said, “Well, perhaps we should grab breakfast. We can have it in here, if that’s allowed.”

“I don’t see why not,” Dimitri said. He wanted to point out that he was the king, but there were still expectations he was trying to learn. Even after winning a war and getting on a path to healing, he was having to engage in a game that elders in the Kingdom had little interest in teaching him the rules of.

They politely took their plates, thanked the staff, and made their way into the room again. Dimitri was grateful that they didn’t bump into Dedue at any point on their journey. Mercedes meticulously set up a table, adjusting chairs so they could sit across from each other. “You can speak whenever you’re ready,” she said calmly, “I understand that we have to work within your schedule.”

Dimitri nodded. He quietly began picking at his food, trying to string an opening sentence together. He scanned Mercedes’s face, trying to see if there were any traces of annoyance in her brow. Instead, she looked strangely serene. He wondered if he should just not say anything instead of inconveniencing her. She promptly turned toward him, wiping the napkin against her lips before she leaned her head toward him expectantly.

He noticed the tea cup that was closest to him and he took a sip, clearing his throat several times. “Uh, well… Mercedes, you. Know a bit about the body.”

“I try to,” she replied. 

“Uh…” He downed the rest of the tea as Mercedes politely refilled it. “Is… does… is it possible to not enjoy… outercourse?”

Mercedes took another bite of her meal, hardly missing a beat. “Well, I suppose it depends on how you define enjoying. Are you referring to not enjoying the idea of engaging in the act or how you feel during it?”

“The latter,” he replied.

She pursed her lips for a brief moment before she said, “Can you describe it to me? I know it’s a bit uncomfortable, but I assure you I won’t see you or Dedue any differently.”

Dimitri slowly nodded. “I enjoyed being with him for the most part, but once we got…” He moved his hand awkwardly toward the floor. She nodded. “...It just. I didn’t feel anything until it started hurting.”

Mercedes leaned back, taking a deep breath. “Ah, yes. Dimitri, do you know how to get yourself off?”

Dimitri’s eye widened. He took a deep breath and said “No. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize!” Mercedes exclaimed, “It happens. Your anatomy can be a bit difficult to figure out. I can give you some advice, if you would like?”

Dimitri slowly nodded his head. “Yes. I would appreciate it.”

She took another bite of her food and said, “I’ll continue once you’ve eaten something. Is that fair?”

Dimitri looked down, realizing that all he had done was push the food around on his plate. “Yes, that is fair,” he said.

They ate in silence, Dimitri occasionally looking up from his plate to see if he met whatever threshold he needed for Mercedes to approve of the amount of food he ate. It took him clearing about half the plate until she said, “So I can start. Please don’t stop eating on my behalf, by the way.” He knew it was code for her thinking he still hadn’t eaten enough. He put some more food on his fork and waited for her to continue.

“It’s possible that you mentally are getting blocked,” Mercedes continued, “Not to make any assumptions, but you are putting an enormous amount of pressure on yourself during this, correct?”

He big the inside of his lip. “I suppose I am,” he replied.

“Well, if you’re doing that, you’re never going to enjoy yourself!” she chided, “This isn’t something you should feel obligated to do. You should only want to be with him when you want to be with him in that way.” He felt himself shrink away and she reached over towards him, placing her hand near his own. “And I’m not too sure how much you’ll believe me when I say this, but I know he wouldn’t want you to force yourself. He told me that much.”

Dimitri smiled in spite of himself. “He did,” he murmured.

Mercedes smiled. She drummed her fingers lightly on the table and said, “I don’t know how you feel about your body, so I will not tell you what to do. I will just tell you logistics. Is that alright with you?”

“I would appreciate it. Thank you,” Dimitri replied.

She leaned back, looking up at the ceiling for a brief moment. “Well, you have a spot that's only job is to pleasure you. Please tell me you know about the clit.” Dimitri shrugged. Her eyes widened as she said, “It’s, hm…” She folded her hands together, lining her pointer fingers and thumbs. “Is this making sense to you?”

Dimitri nodded, feeling his cheeks warm up. “Yes, it is,” he mumbled.

“All right, so right… around here…” she tried to flex the tip of her pointer fingers, “Is a spot that is supposed to pleasure you. It can be hard to find. Be gentle. I’ve been told it’s like a tickle. If you press it too hard, you’ll just get overstimulated and probably get yourself hurt.”

Dimitri tentatively nodded. It explained the incident the night before.

“You’ll find it easier if you let yourself take your time with whoever you’re with. Just enjoy yourself, enjoy the moment. Your body will respond better if you take your time with it.” Mercedes lifted her hand, bringing it to her chin. “Hm… what else… oh. Your chest has spots that are naturally nice to have touched. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, don’t force yourself. But if you want to try it, don’t feel ashamed.”

Dimitri hummed. “Makes sense,” he said. He took a deep breath and finally looked up at her, trying his best to smile. “Well, this was most informative, Mercedes. Thank you so much. It is much appreciated.”

Mercedes raised her eyebrows, but she didn’t pry. “It’s not a problem, Dimitri. I hope whatever you do, you enjoy yourself.”

Dimitri looked down and stared at the congealed eggs on his fork, grimacing.

*

Dimitri tried his best to just focus on routines. He picked up the professional ones naturally enough and he tried to explore with Dedue, like Mercedes suggested. Neither of them had told anyone outside of Mercedes, though he was certain that Felix probably had figured it out by now. There was something strangely comfortable about having a secret of this nature. He loved waiting for the room to clear out so he could latch his knuckles with Dedue for a brief moment before they filed out. He leaned his neck back and enjoyed the quick touch of Dedue’s fingertips as he passed behind him. But his favorite moment of all was when Dedue would stop by his bedroom, the two of them meticulously removing each other’s clothes before Dimitri gathered Dedue in his arms and tried to sleep, an experience that was almost tolerable now that he had someone to wake up to. He was scared to mention anything to Dedue about it, as if he would jinx this potential reprieve from the constant nightmares and racing thoughts.

One of these nights, Dimitri was carefully undoing the straps to his armor. He was wearing lighter pieces now that the war was over, but he seemed to still hang on to the idea. Dimitri gently placed the armor in a closet he was mentally referring to as Dedue’s. It was beginning to house more and more of his things, including a few changes of clothes in case he woke up too late to return to his own chambers. It was a logistic that they knew they would have to address sooner or later. Guards were beginning to give strange looks and Dimitri couldn’t be sure what they assumed. But he had to make sure the truth came out on Dedue’s terms. 

He removed the final piece of armor and Dedue brought his arms over his head, stretching. His shoulders made a soft popping noise. Dimitri placed his hands on his shoulders as soon as Dedue brought his arms down, making small, firm circles into his muscles. “You don’t have to present yourself as a warrior anymore,” Dimitri murmured, “We’ve won, my beloved.”

Dedue leaned in to his touch. “It’s an unfortunate habit,” he admitted. “Can I make a request for tonight?”

Dimitri felt his heart skip a beat. He had thankfully recovered from their abysmal first attempt at intimacy, but he wasn’t sure how to ask if they could try again. Dedue, on the other hand, did not pry, appearing content to kiss and fall asleep in Dimitri’s arms. “Of course,” he said, leaning in to kiss Dedue’s temple.

“Can I be the one to hold you?” Dedue asked.

Dimitri grinned, kissing his temple again before he helped him remove his shirt. “I think I would quite like that,” he said once he got the shirt over Dedue’s head. 

“I’m glad,” Dedue replied, pulling him close enough to kiss his lips. Dimitri looked down at his lap and sat down, straddling his legs across Dedue’s thighs. Dedue’s lips briefly quirked before he carefully unbuttoned Dimitri’s top. Dimitri moved his arms as Dedue tried to guide the shirt off, Dedue resting his hands along the straps of his binding. “May I?” he asked.

Dimitri nodded quickly. “Please,” he said.

Dedue genuinely smiled at that, carefully undoing the hooks that ran along the side. He gently brought it over Dimitri’s head, running his fingers through his hair as he placed it down. Dimitri removed his eye patch, tossing it on the desk behind them. Dimitri leaned in to kiss the crown of Dedue’s head, a part of him aching for Dedue to just close the gap between him and his chest.

He tried his best to commit as much of Mercedes’s conversation to memory. Each aspect of it was important, but he was finding himself nearly obsessively wanting to feel Dedue’s hands and mouth on his chest. The fact that Dedue was waiting for permission made him want to try it even more. The restraint was what Dimitri needed to know that he would be safe with Dedue doing that to him. 

“To bed?” Dedue asked. Dimitri nodded, hooking his arms around Dedue’s neck as Dedue lifted him up, placing him carefully on the edge of the bed. Dimitri lifted his hips, waiting patiently for his partner to undo his pants and remove them. He leaned forward to help Dedue out of his own pants, Dedue snuffing a nearby candle before the two of them curled up in bed, Dimitri’s back pressed against Dedue’s front. Dedue felt half hard against him, but neither of them said anything. Instead, Dedue brought his arm across Dimitri’s, carefully placing it just under his breasts.

“You could touch my chest,” Dimitri said. When Dedue didn’t respond quick enough he stammered, “I mean, it’s nothing to be scared of.”

“Is that so?” Dedue asked, his voice barely audible. 

Dimitri tilted his head toward Dedue, though it was too dark to look into his face. “I… I want you to touch me there,” he said. He cleared his throat, wishing he could see Dedue’s face. “I don’t feel ashamed by it when it’s just you and me. So… ah. Do what you wish.” He faced forward again, waiting patiently for Dedue’s arm to move. Eventually it did, Dedue’s hand cupping his breast. He clumsily began to massage it, pinching Dimitri’s nipple between his fingers, and Dimitri moaned in response, grinning when Dedue began to apply more pressure behind his motions. He moved onto Dimitri’s other breast and Dimitri arched his back, grinding against Dedue. Dedue slipped his other arm underneath Dimitri, wrapping tightly around him as his other hand tweaked his nipple. Dedue brought his mouth to his neck and Dimitri moaned, frantically bringing his hand behind him to press his hand against Dedue’s back. He felt his mind wander the slightest bit toward if he was doing any of this correctly, until he forced himself to refocus, allowing himself to be consumed by thoughts of Dedue and the different ways he was touching him. He turned himself around, crashing his mouth against Dedue’s as he brought his hands behind Dedue’s head. He tossed his legs over one of Dedue’s thighs, pressing himself against it and feeling the pressure lead to warmth between his legs.

Their kisses were were open mouth, uncoordinated, and precisely what Dimitri wanted, his mouth occasionally disconnecting to moan. Dedue took it as a cue to trail his kisses down his neck and nip at his collarbone. Dimitri arched his back again and Dedue was able to read him well enough to move toward his breast. Dedue placed his warm mouth around his nipple, his thumb flicking the other one. Dimitri gasped, grinning as he rubbed his fingers against the shaved parts of Dedue’s hair. He felt heat continue to coil deep in him, his body still not quite satisfied. He pulled away enough to bring his head down toward Dedue’s, kissing him as he brought his leg across Dedue’s waist. He pushed himself on top, his mouth still on Dedue’s as he rolled his hips against Dedue’s hard cock. All of the feeling and wanting blurred together into one desire. He broke the kiss long enough to say, “I want you inside,” before he resumed kissing Dedue. He felt Dedue smile against him before he briefly kissed back, asking, “You still have the supplies?”

Dimitri nodded. “In the drawer next to the bed,” he whispered. He felt Dedue let go of him to reach over and Dimitri slid off him, running his fingers between his legs. He found the spot Mercedes told him to find with relative ease, experimenting with pressure as he made circles against himself. Dedue fumbled around, lighting the candle before he grabbed the oil and condoms from the drawer. He turned around, his mouth slightly open as he watched Dimitri. Dimitri stopped for a moment, tilting his head.

“Oh, don’t stop yourself,” Dedue said, “It… it’s enjoyable to watch.”

“Why don’t you help me,” Dimitri suggested, “I’ll show you.”

Dedue smiled, laying down next to Dimitri and bringing his arm across Dimitri’s back. He brought his free hand down toward Dimitri’s, resting it on his stomach to await further instruction. Dimitri took his hand, guiding two of his fingers where he was the most sensitive, pressing his fingers against himself and pressing his face against Dedue’s neck to moan appreciatively. Dedue began to move without guidance, kissing Dimitri’s forehead as Dimitri rolled his hips against his hand. He trailed his finger further down, resting just before Dimitri’s entrance. 

“Can I?...” Dedue asked. 

Dimitri nearly shivered, smiling against Dedue’s neck before he quickly kissed him and gave a triumphant cry of, “_ Yes _!” Dedue inserted his finger inside and adjusted his hips to make sure he was comfortable. His grin was only cut off by the breathy sighs that began to tumble out of his mouth as Dedue pushed in and out, finding a rhythm to match Dimitri’s hips. When Dedue was able to insert a second finger with ease, Dimitri hissed, “I’m ready.” 

Dedue nodded, taking his fingers out and reaching over to grab the oil and package of condoms. Dimitri slid close to him, gently stroking at his cock while he tried to open the package. Dedue gasped, laughing softly. “I won’t last long enough if you keep doing that,” he said, his voice soft.

Dimitri pouted, hoping Dedue could see his face under the candle light. “Well, next time,” he said.

“Most certainly,” Dedue replied. Dimitri continued to lightly stroke him, watching him try to maintain composure as he tried to open the package. He removed a condom from it, placing it at the tip of his length. Dimitri helped him roll it down, their hands bumping into each other awkwardly. Dedue dripped oil over it, Dimitri clumsily spreading the droplets around. 

“Go on top,” Dedue instructed, “I want to see you.”

Dimitri kissed him on the lips before he pushed Dedue onto the bed, sitting on top of him and kissing him as he lined up Dedue’s cock with his entrance and guided it in as he leaned back. He locked eyes with Dedue as he eased himself down, the two of them staring with their mouths open. They stayed frozen in place for a long moment, Dimitri overwhelmed with the sensation of the two of them connected in a way that he used to fear wanting. He leaned forward, the two of them kissing for a long moment before he said, “I love you, Dedue.” 

Was this the right time? His heart began to pound, feeling foolish that he chose this moment to be so direct in his affection. Dedue brushed his knuckles against his cheek, saying, “And I love you, Dimitri,” and it was exactly what he needed to hear to refocus and start shifting his hips against Dedue, Dedue following his lead. Their skin connected loudly, the sound vibrating in Dimitri’s ears as they moaned together, a strange duet like nothing Dimitri had ever heard before. Dimitri sat up, taking one hand and bringing it back to his clit as he rubbed circles against it, trying to coordinate it with their crashing hips. Dedue shifted just enough to reach out toward Dimitri's chest, cupping his breasts, thumbs rubbing at his nipples as Dimitri felt the coil deep within him come undone as he cried out. He grabbed Dedue, holding him close as he felt Dedue start thrusting deeper. Dedue’s grip began to loosen, his hands moving away from Dimitri’s chest toward his back, running them helplessly as he buried his face into his shoulder, groaning. His motions became erratic, pushing against Dimitri hard as he came, his grip tightening again. He cried out, his face still planted against Dimitri’s chest. His voice vibrated throughout Dimitri’s body. Dimitri kissed the top of his head, running his knuckles wordlessly along Dedue’s face. Dedue pressed his lips to them and Dimitri felt his chest flutter. 

They stayed connected for a long moment, the two of them gasping for air. Dimitri didn’t realize how sweaty he was until the chill of the room set in again. He lifted his head and kissed Dedue’s temple, brushing the loose hair out of his face. Dimitri kissed Dedue’s forehead again, asking, “How do you feel?”

“It was better than I imagined it would be,” Dedue admitted. Dimitri grinned. “Uh, I’m going to pull out,” Dedue added.

Dimitri nodded, lifting himself up enough to help Dedue. A part of him was saddened by the emptiness, pressing himself greedily against Dedue to make up for it. 

“Uh,” Dedue said, bringing his hand to Dimitri’s face. “Before you get too comfortable… Mercedes said you should go to the bathroom after… I’m in you…”

Dimitri sighed loudly. “I shouldn’t stop following her advice now, should I?” he asked. “I’ll be right back.” He got up, brushing his hand against Dedue’s before he went to the bathroom. When he returned to the bed, Dedue had already cleaned himself up and was under the blankets. Dimitri blew out the candle and joined him, gathering Dedue and placing his head on his chest. “So what _ did _ you talk to Mercedes about?” Dimitri asked.

Dedue was quiet for a moment. “To be honest, Dimitri, I had multiple conversations with her. They were about how to make sure we both enjoyed ourselves and were safe. My apologies for not speaking with you beforehand. She pulled the details out of me.”

“To be fair, you asked a good friend for condoms and oil,” Dimitri teased. “I’m glad you did. I asked her for help, as well.”

Dedue hummed. “I suppose we should thank her,” he suggested, “Though that might be a strange conversation to have.”

Dimitri was quiet for a long moment, recalling the breakfast he shared with her. “I don’t think it would be the strangest,” he decided.

“Then we can do that when we see her tomorrow,” Dedue replied. He brought his fingers to Dimitri’s lips and Dimitri kissed them. “I love you, Dimitri,” he said, his voice much more steady than when he said it moments earlier.

“I love you, too, my beloved,” Dimitri said. He hugged Dedue tightly, grateful for the heavy feeling of sleep that allowed him to close his eyes with ease.


End file.
